


Drowning

by AllyThePotato



Series: And Why Is That? [7]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, Guilt, Infidelity, Internal Conflict, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:46:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29766756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllyThePotato/pseuds/AllyThePotato
Summary: Falling in love was like drowning, Sebastian supposed.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Series: And Why Is That? [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2181036
Comments: 35
Kudos: 28





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ohjeezglee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohjeezglee/gifts).



> Part seven :)
> 
> For sim. Again.

_ Falling in love was like drowning, Sebastian supposed.  _

_ First, the shock of it. The cold water. He was frozen, no control. He was just  _ there _ —the water had him at its mercy. Never felt something so  _ intense _ before. Submerged in it.  _

"Please do it again, Sebastian," he'd said. The tears, the break in his voice when he said his name.

Sebastian's eyes flickered to Kurt’s lips, his hand wiping the tears. 

The lips again—soft, warm, inviting and for a second, a short, blissful second, it didn’t occur to him that they were forbidden.

And in that second, there were hands and lips that he’d never felt before. In that second, there was pressure, pressure, so much  _ pressure _ —

Kurt's fingers had traced his jaw, hesitant, like he was something holy. Sebastian had never believed in anything, but this—this  _ feeling _ ...Sebastian had never felt anything closer to a higher power. He had leaned into it, Kurt’s hand. Kissed his palm, breathing heavily. 

In that single second—

Everything else was gone, and there was just Sebastian and Kurt and hands and lips and entangled legs—

And then the afterglow of it, sleepy eyes and intertwined fingers—

A second only lasts for so long.

_ Next, the panic. He was in the water—he was in the water and it was so cold, so intense. The realization that there was no control. The fear had paralyzed him. That intense feeling, he wanted to get away from it. But he couldn’t. He was suffocating in it. _

Sebastian had avoided them for days. Both of them. 

Kurt because—because.

Blaine—how could he even look Blaine in the eye?

Blaine. Blaine. Blaine. 

Goddammit, Sebastian. 

He thought about him a lot. Blaine—

Blaine had been there for him, for everything. For years. 

He and Blaine were best friends. 

Best—

Friends—

_ Goddammit _ , Sebastian.

_ Then, the fight. His limbs flailed in the waves, pushing upwards, fighting for air. Battling this current, that's so much stronger than him. His muscles ached with it, a burn to mesh with the stab of cold from the water. Fighting for control. Exhausted by it. _

Sebastian's conscious thoughts and his dreams were filled with images of pale skin and gentle kisses and tears. He threw himself into his work, desperately trying to find distraction in something, but all he could think about was Kurt’s words. The ones that had ripped him open, the ones that had started all of this.

He was only doing this for approval—for the love of someone who would never love him or accept him the way he deserved.

But that was a battle for another day, another time. He kept working, at least it was something else to think about. Something to do. Something to use as an excuse when Blaine called.

He did this for a month. 

And another.

Then there was Kurt, at his door, pushing him back inside, against the wall. "You have to stop avoiding him," he'd said. "He's not taking it well. Stop avoiding him."

Sebastian blinked. Twice. A third time. "I can't—"

He stopped when Kurt’s lips pressed against his neck. "You have to talk to him, Bas." 

Sebastian pushes Kurt off of him. "Stop—I don’t want to hurt him. I can't. I won't," he said. 

Kurt nodded. "I'm sorry—"

"He's my best friend. He's your—he's your—he's  _ yours _ ," Sebastian cried. "I don't know what to do. I don’t want to hurt him. He doesn't deserve this." 

Kurt’s eyes were on the floor. "You're right. But you haven't said once that you don't want this." 

Sebastian's eyes were burning. A sob ripped its way out of his throat. "I hate this," he choked out. "You're everywhere I turn. I can't stop thinking about you. I just want it to stop."

Kurt sighed. "I know. I've felt this way for a long time—it doesn't stop. It doesn't change. It's just—it just...I'm tired, too."

Sebastian's eyes fluttered closed. He felt a hand against his cheek. "Please," he whispered. "Please do it again, Kurt." 

He heard Kurt’s hitch of breath, and then a little broken, "Okay."

_Finally, acceptance. He stopped fighting, just let the waves take him where they pleased. The peace of submission. He didn’t see it as giving up—more like giving in,_ _that feeling. It swallowed him._

"I'm in love with you," he'd blurted. It had been two months since Kurt showed up at his door.

Kurt, beneath him, breathless and sweating, froze. Then his fingers were digging into Sebastian's shoulders, pulling his face closer. "What?" 

"I'm in love with you." 

Kurt’s eyes widened, then closed. His lips turned up in a little smile. "You mean it?"

Sebastian kissed him on the lips lazily. "Of course."

Kurt moved against him then, and they were mostly quiet for a while.

After, when Sebastian was on the brink of sleep, he felt Kurt nuzzle behind his ear. "I'm in love with you, too," he'd whispered. 

A kiss behind his ear was the last thing Sebastian remembered before succumbing to sleep.

_ Yes, falling in love was like drowning. Only he didn't die in the end. He came alive. _  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> TBC
> 
> Thank you for reading, dearies
> 
> OH
> 
> special thanks to Becky (@backslashdelta on tumblr and ao3) has made these into podfics!!!! *excited squeal* I do believe that they are linked on the first three installments of this so go check those out bc i was listening and its just great great great okay bye (I LOVE YOU BECJY)


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